


A Faustian Fail

by arandomshipper (Giveadogabone)



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Trigun
Genre: A New Take On An Old Joke, Don't Really Need Knowledge Of Either Series To Get It, Gen, Parody, a bit philosophical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:05:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14811918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giveadogabone/pseuds/arandomshipper
Summary: Kyubey attempts to form a contract with Vash.  There are some issues.





	A Faustian Fail

"Any wish I want?" Vash asked the cute little rat-like creature. Something seemed rotten about this whole deal, but he preferred to trust and be betrayed over living a life of bitter suspicion. Besides, he was confident in his ability to handle any sneak attack his naivety might leave him open to.

" Yes. The power of your wish is dependent on the strength of your destiny. Your destiny is the strongest I've ever seen. I have trouble conceiving of a wish that could not be granted you." Kyubey replied.

"Then I know what I want." Vash said with no hesitation. He had only ever had one wish, since long, long ago. Here, finally, was the answer to the conundrum that had plagued him from childhood. "I wish for universal peace, that no living being may come to harm, but without taking away the free will of any sentient creature." If this strange rat thing could grant this wish, Vash honestly didn't care what happened to him. There was no price he wouldn't pay.

Kyubey considered. "It seems you have found a wish I cannot grant after all. You ask for a contradiction. Preventing thinking beings from harming each other is easy enough, but there is no way to achieve this without infringing on their freedoms in some way. It is not a matter of power. It is simply a nonsense wish."

Vash sighed. "I was afraid you'd say something like that. Well, I guess we're done here. That's the only wish I have."

"Wait." Kyubey said as he turned to leave. "Though I cannot grant you an outright impossibility, you still have a wish of near infinite power. Surely you can think of some other use for it, if you take some time?"

"No, I don't think so." Vash said, continuing to walk away, forcing Kyubey to quick step to keep up. "I'm very satisfied with my life. I just don't need or want anything. Sorry we couldn't do business."

"It has been my experience that no one is fully satisfied with their life. I urge you to stop and think. There MUST be something else you want. Eternal youth?"

"Already got it."

"Invincibility in battle?"

"I'm close enough already."

"Unlimited wealth?"

"Don't need it."

"Females of your species? Or some other species? Or all other species?"

"I wouldn't want any woman that doesn't already want me." Vash stopped. "But now that you mention it, there IS one other thing I want."

"Good, good. Anything."

"Give me the power to understand the mind of a woman. Like, to know when she says no, if she really means yes, or if she actually means no. That kind of thing."

There was a long pause. Kyubey twitched and blinked and spun in circles. Vash waited patiently. Finally, the little rat said, "So, let's talk about that world peace wish..."


End file.
